When your marriage ends, it can devastate kids. This article offers ways for parents to help their children cope when they are dealing with a divorce.
When a marriage ends, it deals a devastating blow to everyone involved, including children. Preschool and early elementary children dealing with a divorce will feel a surge of emotions that can range in intensity. These emotions may include:
- anger
- hurt
- fear
- rejection
- self-directed blame
- anxiety
- regression
- emotional withdrawal
- problems sleeping
- embarrassment
- low self-esteem
- loss of control
- grief
- stress
- sadness
- fantasies of parents reconciling
- changes in behavior
Talking to Kids About Divorce
- According to the Better Health Channel article, "Family Break Up - Supporting Children," "It is important for both parents together to explain the situation simply, using words the child can understand. You may have to explain several times before the child fully grasps what has happened to their family and what their future holds."
- When your marriage ends, be honest with your children but don’t burden them with all of the details surrounding your divorce. Let your children know that there will be changes in the household such as living arrangements, and possible school changes.
- Offering consistent reassurance of love can help children cope with divorce. Reiterate to children that the divorce is not their fault and there is nothing that they can do to fix it.
Helping Kids Cope With Divorce
- Both parents should be available to listen to their children’s feelings about the divorce. Keep in mind that children are hurting too, so don’t take what they say as a personal attack. Just listen to their fears and concerns with kindness and patience.
- Do as much as you can to keep your kids’ routine as familiar as possible. Doing things like maintaining the same bedtime routine, keeping them in the same school, or staying in the same home will help kids who are coping with a divorce.
- Establishing and maintaining a cordial repertoire with the other parent will make the divorce easier on your children.
- Put personal feelings aside and encourage children to have a positive relationship with the other parent. Encourage frequent phone calls, letters, and maintain scheduled visitations.
- Without going into detail, alert your children’s teachers about the changes in the household. It will help them understand any behavior changes that may occur in your kids as a result of the divorce.
- Reading age-appropriate children’s books that deal with divorce will give kids a better understanding of what it means.
- Seek outside help from counselors, therapists, church groups, support groups and friends.
- Make sure that children get plenty of physical activity. This will give them appropriate avenues to channel their anger and frustration.
- Don’t put children in a position where they feel like they have to take sides and choose between parents.
- Don’t argue with your spouse in person or over the phone when your children are around.
- Avoid using your children as leverage against your spouse to get what you want. This only causes emotional trauma in kids.
- Children should never have to referee arguments. So avoid putting them in the middle of conflict.
- Never make rude or hurtful remarks about the other parent to your children.
- Never use children to deliver inappropriate messages to the other parent.
Remember that your children will rely on you for strength and support. So the most important thing that can be done to help children cope with divorce is for parents to maintain their emotional health.
The copyright of the article Children Dealing with Divorce in Early Childhood is owned by Charlina Stewart. Permission to republish Children Dealing with Divorce in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.
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