Children can learn healthy mourning and grief practices through the death of a beloved pet.
At one time or another, your children will experience the death of a pet. Depending upon the stage of life they are in, their understanding, and therefore your explanation and handling, of the death should change.
What do grade school children understand about death?Grade School children generally:
- Know death is permanent
- Understand everything dies
- Are curious about the physical details of death
- Have a need for ritual
- (Especially Boys) have a hard time expressing and showing feelings
Because grade school children know death is permanent and understand that everything dies, you may find yourself explaining some of the more physical realities of death. Beware! The conversation may turn from a beloved pet to Aunt Sally – but that is natural.
Let the conversation run its course. Be truthful with the child, providing the information that is age-appropriate at the time. The most important thing you can do is to be there for your child. If he turns quiet while contemplating what has transpired, then just sit quietly with him. If additional questions arise, address them immediately.
The Need For Ritual
We’ve all seen the stereotypical clip of a bewildered father gathering a shoebox, bedding material and making burial preparations for the family goldfish or parakeet. Television has found a way to squeeze the humor from this situation, but as absurd as adults may find this ritual, it is necessary for children to begin the grieving process. Go ahead, bury the budgie with words of solace to the children. Remind them the pet loved them as they loved their pet.
Guilt
Children will sometimes feel guilty when a death occurs. Parents need to understand this, even if not expressed outright and assure them the death was not caused by anything they have done.
Dos and Don’ts
- Don’t Say, “Everything will be alright.”
- DO say: “I know you must be sad.”
- DO talk about the traumatic event.
- Don’t avoid talking about the event or it will give children the idea death is not something they can talk to you about.
- DO: Be honest, open and clear.
- Don’t use phrases such as “He went to sleep.”
- DO be prepared to speak of the event over and over again.
In no time at all, with your help and support, your child will be on the way through a natural grieving process! A nice touch for you to help them remember their beloved pet – frame a small picture and let them keep it in their room!
For more Suite guidance regarding helping a child through a pet's death, check into this article!
Resources for this article: University of Florida Extension Office, Carolyn S. Wilkem, PhD, M.P.H., Bruce D. Perry, M.D., PhD., Jana Rubenstein, M.Ed., LPC
