Much has been made of spanking as a form of correction - but what other tools do you have in your parental bag of tricks?
Parenting is not easy – and even though our children don’t often believe it, when we have to discipline, it is in sorrow. The hardest thing to do as a parent is to keep your cool and remember to stay true to the goals of discipline while under stress and providing continuity and consistency while doing so.
When that consistency is adhered to, you will be able to decrease the amount of disciplinary measures needed after the ages of 3 or 4 when the child develops an internal self-control.
Until self-control is developed, you, as the parent, must provide the control externally. If an 8-year-old insists upon acting like a 4-year-old, then discipline must once again drop to that age level.
What are the goals of discipline?
1.) To protect the child from danger
2.) To teach right from wrong
Disciplinary Techniques:
1.) Provide Natural Consequences. A child who does not put his clothes away might have to put the siblings clothes away or help you in the laundry.
2.) Put the child in isolation - NOT in their room! Too many rooms are like miniature amusement parks!
3.) Physically move or escort a child from trouble.
4.) Delay privileges
5.) Remove a cherished possession until compliance is achieved
Guide to no-fuss parenting:
1.) Pick your battles: Not everything is worth fighting about! Did your 8-year-old come home from a friend’s house with purple hair? It will grow out. Greet her individuality with a smile. On the other hand, if your 8-year-old is showing signs of disrespect, this is a battle you should choose to take part in!
2.) Don’t yell – often: It decreases your believability – save the yell for something important – like an oncoming train or car!
3.) Take Breaks: Everyone has a moment in time where they need to stand down and get a grip on an emotion threatening to wash over reason. Don’t be afraid to put yourself in your room and think about the best way to proceed before reacting to a child who is goading you on by his behavior.
4.) Be positive: Not only does it make you a much nicer person to be around, it protects your sanity as well as those around you!
5.) Sit and Talk – do not negotiate! Calmly discussing a behavior problem with your child is not a problem, negotiating is. If you want a child to pick up his toys, don’t tell him and leave him to his own devices if he seems sluggish about doing as you’ve asked. Stay with him and either help him do the assigned task or stay there until he does so. Sometimes parenting means you have to get up off the couch and play an active part in parenting!
6.) Protect self-esteem: Above all else, be respectful of your children in everything you do from the moment they are born. One day, you’ll be amazed at the self-confident, loving person you’ve raised!
