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Discipline and Your ChildBattles of Will, Giving in to Your Child and Effective Discipline Strategies
Do you find yourself in a battle of wills with your child? Do you wait too long to punish? Overdo punishments or use punishments as pay backs? We've got the book for you.
Parent Trap III: Okay, Okay, Have it Your Way – I Give Up! – Giving Into a Kid Who is More Stubborn Than You If you choose to get into a battle of wills with your children, make sure of two things: first, that the issue is worth battling about and, second, that you are prepared to stand your ground, even if it takes all day.” Teach the children the difference between requirements and requests. Some things are not negotiable – such as going to school or running into the street, etc. Some things can be negotiable – such as wearing stripes with plaids, eating their peas, etc. If it is a requirement, don’t treat it like a request. Never ask a child, “Do you want to go to school?” Instead say, “It is time to go to school, which do you want to wear, your blue shirt or your red shirt?” When you stand your ground, you bank credibility in your child’s eyes. Credibility that will put you in good stead now – and become even more valuable as your child grows into tweens and teens. Don’t try to negotiate with a child in the middle of a tantrum. Negotiation can only take place when a child is reasonable. A screaming, argumentative child who is demanding ice cream on the spot, is not reasonable. When your child calms down, negotiate: “You can have some ice cream after you have three bites of everything at dinner.” Parenting Trap IV:This Time, I mean It - Waiting Too Long and Punishing Too Much” If you make the request: “Turn Off the T.V,” and your child does not respond, you must follow-up immediately. Every time. Again, this builds credibility. Do so in the following manner: Get closer, make eye contact, repeat the request calmly and politely. Keep talking to a minimum. If you need to, turn off the t.v. or walk a reluctant child through the motions. Stay reasonable, not angry or frustrated. If the child says he or she will turn the t.v. off after the program and you aren’t going someplace, or dinner is not waiting and this is a reasonable offer, then that is an acceptable deal. Let the child watch the end of the program. Parenting Trap V:“You’ll Pay For That” Using penalty as retribution instead of information to learn is not acceptable for parents to do. When we wait to enforce our requests, tempers flare and we’re pushed to punish out of revenge – to get back at a misbehaving child. The ultimate purpose of punishing a child is to teach kids how to behave, not to hurt a child’s feelings. Children should be made to behave. They should not be made to feel resentful and ashamed of themselves. Like what you read? Find out more in Part three of our review of Ten Steps to Effective Discipline. Discipline: Rewards and Penalties
The copyright of the article Discipline and Your Child in Early Childhood is owned by Connie Newbauer. Permission to republish Discipline and Your Child in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.
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