How to Nurture Individuality in Twins
Ways to Help Multiples Develop their Own Identities
Apr 19, 2009
Twins spend a lot of time doing things in pairs, and it’s not uncommon for people to treat them like the same person rather than as individuals. This is especially true with identical twins and same-gender fraternal twins. So it’s important for parents to find ways to help their multiples develop their own identities without severing the special bond they share.
Help Twins Develop as Individuals by Avoiding Comparisons
Twins’ looks, personalities, and abilities are constantly compared by others. And sometimes parents even use comparisons to motivate a child to make better grades in school. Although comparisons may seem harmless, over time, they can affect your twins’ ability to feel secure about who they are as individuals.
Nurture Individuality in Twins by Allowing them to Explore their Interests
Twins need plenty of time to engage in both structured and unstructured activities to give them the chance to explore their interests and discover what they enjoy as individuals. Twins should never be forced to participate in the same extracurricular activities. Instead, use their interests as a guide and allow them the final say over which activities they want to be a part of.
Help Multiples Develop their Own Identities by Respecting them as Individuals
Respecting twins as individuals is the most important part of nurturing their individuality. Start by giving each child his fair share of one-on-one time. Set aside a few days every month to spend quality time with each twin. Your one-on-one time can be a trip to the park, a lunch date, or a movie.
Encourage family members to avoid addressing your multiples as, “the twins,” “the girls,” or any other names that identify them as a unit rather than as individuals. Instead, they should be called by their names. And forcing twins to dress alike and wear the same hairstyle is a sure way to sabotage their sense of self and make it harder for others to treat them as individuals.
There’s nothing quite as special as the bond twins share, but this doesn’t mean friendships with other children should be excluded. Just as siblings of different ages have their own friends, twins should be allowed to develop friendships outside of each other as well. And when birthdays roll around, make each child feel special by sending out two sets of invitations, giving separate gifts and having two cakes with candles for each child to blow out.
Nurturing individuality in twins is important. Parents can help the process along by respecting kids as individuals, avoiding mindless comparisons and allowing plenty of room for each child to explore her interests.
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