Overcoming Shyness in Children
Tips to Help Timid and Shy Kids Make Friends and Build Social Skills
Sep 14, 2008
Many young children are naturally shy and have difficulty making friends. They often seem lonely, out of place and a little sad. Dr. Christopher Green, author of Beyond Toddlerdom: Keeping Five to Twelve-year-olds on the Rails [Australia: Doubleday, 2000], says that these children can be taught simple social skills at home to overcome their shyness and eventually build relationships with other children.
Role-Play Practices
Dr. Green states that role-play allows parents and their children to go through common situations and act out different ways in which the children can respond. There is no pressure, so when the child gets it wrong, it doesn’t hurt so much. Regular practice helps the child “get it right”, giving him the confidence to apply what he’s learnt during role-play in real life situations.
Basic Communication and Body Language
Teach the child to project the right body language and read the body language of other children before he tries to join in the fun. He should make a good eye contact and smile warmly to indicate his wish to be part of a group. If the other children smile back, nod their heads and lean forward, that’s a sign they welcome the newcomer. If they slouch, flit their eyes repeatedly and don’t seem all that friendly, they probably are not keen.
Starting to Talk
The child should be taught how to start a conversation as well. Simple questions like “What are you doing?”, “Do you like football?” or “Who’s your teacher?” can serve as conversation openers. They usually don’t really mean much but are useful in getting children to talk. Once they start chatting, they can get into more interesting and engaging topics.
Ending Conversations
Often, children don’t know how to close their conversations – they sometimes just run off without even saying goodbye. Teach the child what adults normally do when conversations come to an end. “Time to go. Catch you another day!” or “Mum will be here any minute. See you later!” are examples of closing conversations properly.
When to Join in Play
Sometimes, a child is not welcome in any game simply because he askes to join in at the wrong time. So teach the child to wait for the appropriate time during play to try to be included. Children normally have “pauses” in their game and those are possibly the best times to approach them. The bad news is that some children can be very mean and may not welcome the newcomer no matter what. In that situation, the child can try his luck with another group, play alone or start his own group.
Common Interests
Children who share similar interests naturally get along better. Even the quietest boy will talk animatedly if the topic of conversation is something he is passionate about. So if your child loves soccer, he has better chances of being included in groups that are mad about soccer. Bring him to soccer matches where he’ll meet other young soccer fans.
Inviting a Friend Home
Children enjoy visiting friends at their home or inviting friends over to play. The problem is that they may not know how to make the first move. You can help by teaching the child the basics of an invitation: day, time, things to do, address. The shy child, however, may not be able to pluck up the courage to actually ask a friend home. In this instance, you can help by talking directly with the other child’s parents.
Shyness in children is common. Fortunately, the problem can be overcome as long as they are taught how to read the cues and body language of other children as well as to approach others in the appropriate manner.
Those who find this article useful may be interested to learn more parenting tips on Building Self-esteem in Children, Easing School Anxiety and Coping with Bullies.
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