Teaching your children about strangers is one of the most important tasks for a parent. The U.S. Department of Justice reported in 2002 that 58,200 children per year are victims of abductions by non-family members. Slogans like “don’t talk to strangers” and “stranger danger” aren’t enough to meaningfully educate children about strangers. Here are some tips to truly educate children of any age about how to protect themselves.
‘Stranger’ Versus ‘Safe Adult’
Begin by defining the concept of a "stranger". Most children don’t perceive someone as a stranger if they have seen or met them before. The problem is that most abducted children are actually taken by someone they know a little, like a neighbor that they have met once or twice. Make sure they understand that people they don’t know very well are technically strangers. There's no need to be rude or afraid, but it's necessary to follow certain safety rules when it comes to strangers.
It’s also important to talk with your child and develop a list of "safe adults". These are people that they can trust when mom and dad aren’t around. Your list might include grandparents or other close relatives, friends of the family, and so on. Doing this will help your child see the distinction between "stranger" and "safe adult".
Address Specific Scenarios
Child predators use many different tactics to lure your child away from public areas, so make sure to address them. Possible rules to establish are:
- Don’t get in a stranger’s car.
- Don’t enter a strangers’ house or apartment, even if invited.
- Don’t follow a stranger anywhere or leave a place with a stranger.
- Don’t let strangers into your house.
- Don’t take anything, including candy and presents, from strangers.
If anyone who is not on the "safe adult" list asks your child to do any of the above things, your child must ask your permission first.
Exercises to Teach Stranger Safety
There are several ways to teach these safety rules to your children. The key is repeating your lessons often and presenting them in a variety of different ways. Here are some exercises to try:
- Assemble a small pile of pictures. Half should be photos of "safe adults", and the other half should be pictures of strangers cut from magazines or printed from the Internet. See if your child can sort out which is which.
- Role play several different situations, with you pretending to be the stranger and your child showing how he or she would react. Pretend to be a driver who pulls over to offer your child a ride home or a neighbor calling to your child on the street to come in for a snack.
- Teach site-specific lessons. When you’re at the park, for example, ask your child what he would do if a stranger asked him to leave the park with him to look for his lost puppy. Listen to your child and see if he is learning safety rules.
- When you see your child acting in a safe way around strangers, point out the behavior and praise it.
It's also a good idea to teach children basic self-defense in case they ever need it to protect themselves against a child predator.
If Your Child is Lost
In reality, parents and children are many times more likely to be separated because the child wanders off in a crowded store or public area – not because he is abducted. If your child is lost, make sure he knows what to do. Teach him how to approach a store clerk, a security guard, or if all else fails, a woman with children, and tell them that he cannot find his mom or dad. When you’re out running errands, help children identify people in stores they could ask for help.
As a parent, it’s your job to teach children about stranger safety. Define what a stranger is and list safe adults to trust. Be age-appropriate and specific, using repetition and a variety of different teaching techniques to safeguard your children.
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