How To Improve Your Child's Social Confidence
The Importance of Teaching Children Manners and Other Social Skills
May 16, 2009
According to the Mental Health Foundation of Australia, "people with good social skills are naturally more popular than their less socially adept peers, which means they have better supports to call on when experiencing difficulties in their lives. Also, well-liked people get more social reinforcement (messages from other people that they are worthwhile and okay), so they tend to have better self-esteem,which can also help them through tough times."
Why Good Social Skills are Important
Social skills are behaviours which help others feel comfortable and help in making friends. By teaching your children social skills such as manners and good eye contact, you are helping your child develop vital strategies for being successful in their relationships. Karen McIlveen, principal of The Grace Academy (School of Social Confidence), stated in a March 12.2009 phone interview that teaching your children these skills gives them confidence and boosts their self-esteem. “When a child knows what to say and how to act in any situation, it eases their anxiety and allows them to act confidently.”
Children need to learn proper manners and social skills now more than ever. Competition for spots in universities and jobs is becoming tougher. It will be the young people with well developed social skills who stand out above their peers. Knowing the proper social graces allows children to feel confident and poised in all social situations.
Why Teens Could Benefit From Learning Etiquette
It is not only young children who will benefit from learning social etiquette. In an essortment.com article entitled "What is the Importance of Etiquette for Teens", Maura Graber, noted that teens are in a confusing position of being between childhood and adulthood, and therefore need manners and etiquette "as social tools to navigate their way through the differing social events they will encounter as they grow up into mature adults."
In an May 9, 2009 email, Toralee, a 14 year old girl acknowledged that she acquired a lot from attending a social confidence course. "I learned a lot of important life skills, especially about the importance of deportment and personal appearance. I think any teenager in 21st century life would really enjoy it and it would be of great use to them.” Undoubtedly, teens who are polished in manners and are, therefore, more confident in their ability to handle social situations, have an advantage over most of their peers.
It is often assumed that social skills will be acquired by osmosis. However, while some social skills are learned implicitly, all children would benefit from being taught social skills.
Strategies for Improving Your Children’s Social Skills
- Talk to your children about why manners are important. Use examples to illustrate your point. “When your friend came over yesterday and didn’t say hello to me, it hurt my feelings. That’s why it is important for you to always say hello when you go into someone’s house.”
- Model good manners and courteousness. Children will be watching their parents to see how they behave. If you are a bit unsure of what is still relevant today, look it up on the net or go to the library.
- Practise good manners with your children daily. Practise morning greetings, table manners, introducing friends and offering to help, etc. Some manners need to be taught through role-playing as children may not have regular opportunities to practise them, such as how to introduce mum to your teacher.
- Make use of the television. Ask your children to evaluate the behaviour of people in shows. Are they being polite? Is that the way a kid should talk to their parent? Use the situations to get your child to think about how it could have been done differently. Get them to think about what they see instead of blindly accepting the behaviour as normal.
- Get into the habit of sitting at the table at least 3 times a week. This allows many opportunities to practise courtesy and conversation. Even if you eat in front of the TV, make sure your children use good manners.
- Every social situation provides a teaching opportunity. Take a few minutes to prompt your child. “There is a new kid over there. How would you start a conversation with him?”
- Get your young teens used to shaking hands firmly, making eye contact and smiling when they meet people. This makes a positive impression on people which will help a lot when they are applying for part time jobs.
If parents are not comfortable teaching their children these skills or just don't have the time, there are courses available at various finishing schools or etiquette schools. Where once manners and etiquette were a fundamental part of growing up, they are often treated today as an afterthought. Yet these are essential life skills! They assist people in navigating the myriad of social situations they will encounter in life. As such, parents owe it to their children to arm them with these necessary skills.
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