Celebrations and Compromise

Celebrating birthdays the new "old-fashioned" way.

Birthdays were one of the first celebrations my husband and I ever had a disagreement over. Unbeknowst to me, for years, he was hurt by his post-marriage birthday celebrations.

In my mind, birthdays were low-key and family affairs. The birthday person received the home-cooked dinner of his or her choice, their choice of television programs or family activities and if they were lucky, a home-drawn card.

Because we were in the military, I had never witnessed the type of birthday celebration he was used to: balloons, noise makers,friends and extended family, and presents! Who knew?

When we had children, the problem compounded itself. My husband now found the voice to tell me exactly what he thought about my birthday celebrations through the years - and it hurt! Once I recovered, we were able to have a real diaglogue about how to compromise and have a birthday celebration the new old-fashioned way!

In the end, our celebration still includes the guest-of-honor's choice of meal - but they may now choose to go to their favorite restaurant as well. Although we still celebrate with immediate family only, a gift and card are always included in the festivities.

It seems like such a small thing, but it was a very important step in combining the way we were both brought up, our shared values and in the end showing a united front to our children - something vastly important to parenting!