What happens when you have children? The world at large - especially your family - believes your mind has left this world on a permanent vacation.
Blessed are parents with a sense of humore, for theirs is a smoother life.
Seriously, I don't know if I should laugh, or cry. About 27 years ago, when I was expecting my first child, I read everything I could on pregnancy and childbirth. I knew everything there was to know. One word of warning I glossed over is coming home to haunt me now. It reported that women who are expecting a child will get clumsy and begin dropping things - something I do naturally anyway and they will sometimes not remember as much.
Ha! I was an extremely intelligent, independent woman and I was sure this affliction would not affect me. Let me tell you right now, youth is ignorant. You can show me your transcripts from high school or college, you can be the first woman president of the United States, but I don't care who you are, childbirth changes the entire way your mind works.
With each pregancy (and I had seven), the mind wandered further and further from reality. It may be a protective mechanism so you can handle crying infants, run-a-way toddlers, mouth adolescents and surly teenagers. I have a long-held theory that I will share with only you, my closest friends: You slough brain cells during childbirth.
What else could it be? The only hole in this theory is that I've noticed that mom's who adopt or foster have the same affliction....something in the kiss of a child perhaps... I don't know, but the disease is insideous! I've been a mother for just over 27 years now and my husband tells me it must be nice to be me....it is a brand new world every 15 minutes!
Yes, it is funny, in a way, but there is a serious side to this too. (I hate to bring you down like this, but what are friends for?) By the time you are a grandmothr (and I am about to experience this as well), the entire family treats you like fragile glass. For instance: We don't let mom drive anymore, she never knows where she is at and we don't know if she'll make it home; You have to tell mom several times and leave her a note or she'll forget and it will never get done.
When the whole family starts thinking like this, you start doubting yourself. I know I'm not ready for a retirement home right now and I believe these types of statements (egged on by my husband of course...and might I point out, about to be a grandfather himself), are made out of ignorance.
I challange anyone who does what the modern woman does in a single day and not forget to sew a ripped seam in a hoodie - or to make a telephone call - or to iron a shirt. Just last week I was thinking that even though many of our children are living out of state, I feel sometimes like sand - I flow around each person, trying to fill in the gaps of all their lives to make them more comfortable - to comfort - to lighten their burden as they go to work or school - and I take too little time to gather those grains of myself together into a cohesive, thinking being to take care of myself.
I do my best to make things better for everyone in my family - sometimes as my mind prioritizes things, the ironing or sewing drop to the bottom of the list and are forgotten until the day they remind me when nothing else is going on. My family is frustrated with me and I feel guilty when I say "You know, you could do it yourself."
Last night, I had a tearful call from my daughter who is currently overwhelmed with life. She works hard. She goes to school full-time and works full- time, something she's done for years.She has coped with deadlines at work, deadlines at school, bills, a sometimes love-life, or lack there of, family drama and cars that won't start when you desperately need them too. She hasn't had a vacation from this in about 9-years.
Like many women, like her mother, she doesn't take the time to take care of herself. I honestly do a better job of taking care of everyone else when I take care of myself. My daughter told me last night,"I don't have time to take care of myself." The truth is, you have to schedule time for yourself. The results will be amazing. You will be physically more fit, you will be mentally more fit and you will be more productive.
I'm not advocating gym time here, or running marathons, or anything like that, although a daily walk, getting outside and away from things - even if you take the baby along in a stroller - or walk the kids to the park while you sit on a bench nearby and veg - the time will be well spent. I,myself like yoga, a little meditation and a lot of prayer.
One of my sons walked through the room one day while I was in a compromising position - yoga that is - and after that, I had tomake sure the house was clear. It was news to me that no one wants to see grandma fanny in the air....so I had to find another time to relax. The point is, you may have a few false starts, you may have to move your schedule around to do it, but do it .
Treat yourself with the respect and seriousness of a meeting with a corporation president. You are worth it. You deserve it, your family deserves it.
Now, what have we learned today? You slough brain cells during childbirth and You can make the most effective use of the cells you have left by taking time for yourself. Today.Right now.
Hey! What are you waiting for? Get going!
