Raising Responsible Citizens
What keeps a child on the straight and narrow - a village - or the parents? An old-fashioned notion of what makes a good citizen.
Do you remember your parents saying to you, "Don't even bother doing anything you're not supposed to, I'll know about it, even if I'm not around."
I always think about that statement because my mother used to say it often! I have a contrary nature and tested Mom frequestly. Of course, I was faster, smarter, stronger...and was always found out!
Through much of grade school, I thout Mom was magical; she knew everything I had done prior to my return home each day! As a parent today, I know her secret - to use a popular term, she networked! The reputation of our family followed me around town like a tattle-tale guardian angel!
One day I picked a bouquet of flowers for my Grandmother out of a neighbor's yard and before I had time to make the presentation, another neighbor had called the house. "I know that you would want to know..."This informal network was my safety net many times while growing up. I simply never had the opportunity to stray far from what the folks in town perceived as our family values.
What would happen today if a neighbor called you to report something your child had done? How would you respond? In anger? With a tirade about "minding your own business?"
What happens when a teacher calls to inform you of a rule infraction at school? Do you immediatly insist your child wouldn't have committed the infraction?
Too many parents today let their children off the hook by protecting them from the natural consequences of their behavior. It is our duty at home to set the values we want them to have and uphold them on a consistant basis.
Doing so means having to investigate the truth of what you've heard regarding the child and responding in a responsible manner to the information. If 5-year-old Johnny did indeed pick flowers in someone elses yard, he needs to be gently told about respecting another's property and made to apologize to the neighbor offended.
There will be times when a mistake has been made - either he has been misunderstood, or there is another side to the story; then by all means, act as your child's ally and advocate!
A good new school-year resolution for all of us would be to take a deep breath when confronted with a negative report on our children, gather all of the facts and then act accordingly. The role-model your child will see is something that will impress him far after you are gone - and after all, isn't that what we all want?
