For better or worse, report card time is just around the corner. Coping tips for parents!
From the day you found you were expecting, the competition started. C'mon, moms, you know what I'm talking about.... your belly was bigger, smaller, wider, stretch-markless, filled with horrible stretch marks. Unfortunately for our children, the competition never ends.
We want them to walk faster, talk sooner, potty train faster, learn the alphabet, etc., etc., faster than our neighbors, nieces, nephews & peers. This parental competition is nothealthy for any child and denies their right to grow up as their own person with individual differences, quirks and special interests.
Competition also sets up, what may be, pre-determined expectations of an absolutely wonderful little individual – who given the chance – will burst from his cocoon one day as a brilliant artist, surgeon, waitress, craftsman or bricklayer. You just never know.
What Goes Around, Comes Around
Think about your typical day: Each person you encounter who is engaged in something they enjoy and therefore are goodat, are a joy to find along our way. Our children need to be brought up in an environment where they are free to be themselves.
I absolutely love being served by a waitress who is excellent at her job – knows when to chat and when not too – is prompt, friendly, courteous – professional and happy, aren’t you? I really don’t enjoy my clam chowder being dropped down in front of me to splash into my lap! I truly believe the difference is job satisfaction – and at the root of that is the question: Are you doing what you want to do?
What Destiny Has To Do With Report Cards
If as parents, we play the competition game, it stunts a child’s individual growth and they develop into an adult playing a role society has assigned to them, feeling perplexed at their feelings of discomfort and never really reaching their potential.
On the other hand, if parents look at a report card like a lighthouse (guidance) and not the port (destination), everyone would be much happier! (Of course, if you have a student that continually bashes off the rocks of the lighthouse, (has failing grades), tests are in order to diagnose the problem with the pilot!)
Each of our children are different, and in-turn, we should expect different things from each.
From two of our children, anything but an ‘A’ surprises me, but doesn’t alarm me. I know that when they are involved in other projects, such as volunteering, sketching or a sport, their grades take a little jog. It is temporary and self-correcting. These little diversions create a well-rounded person when not done to excess.
One of our children works hard consistently and will always be an average to slightly above-average student. Even though it concerns her, it means very little to me. She has unfortunately, gotten use to society labeling her as “average.” That’s too bad, because she jumps out of bed and accelerates at 120% throughout the day on any task she is given. She’s one of the most talented and really, really compassionate souls I’ve ever met – and is anything but average.
It is a parent’s job to know individual an individual child’s strength is and what to expect, while still giving them a chance to change and grow. We don’t just assume our very artistic child will be academically ‘average’ when the report card comes home, but we’ve learned to encourage without comparing to brothers and sisters whose academic talents run a smoother course.
Yet another child is extremely bright, but needs continual encouragement to do the boring and mundane task of homework when other exciting things beckon. He will listen intently during class, go to school without a problem, take tests and have the best test scores in the class. What is the problem? He refuses to waste his time on homework. It is important for us to make sure he knows in life, the mundane can be just as important during the day as the exciting world of martial arts.
Our youngest is social, bright and academically failing. Today’s latest news is much more important than listening or remembering anything school related. Nightly, his homework is done neatly at the kitchen table and tucked securely in his backpack. Daily, his homework is left at the bottom of his locker. At one point, his father and I took turns, accompanied by him, going into the school weekly to scour the depths of his locker for missing assignments. We were also able to find missing sweatshirts, coats, gym shoes, pencils, pens…you get the idea.
Report card time for our youngest is a sobering time. Without fail, I get a note that tells one of the problems is that he comes to class unprepared – no pens, no paper, no folders, no notebooks, and of course, no homework. Each year, we buy enough school supplies in bulk for all six children. Believe me, he has the paper. His teachers have not seen any evidence of any supplies this far into the year!
I cannot stress enough though that – once again – the grades on the report card are not the important message. The important message is that he is unorganized. It doesn’t do any good to say to him, “Bring up your grades, or you’re grounded!”
Does report card time send waves of chills through your household? Try these strategies to interpret and correct your child’s academic behavior based on his report card:
- Remember: Grades are not the important message!
- Do not speak to your child regarding the report card until you’ve considered the information you’ve been given in relationship to that child.
- Speak to your child only when you can hold a conversation and not yell.
- Be prepared to offer a solution in the form of concrete suggestions. Grades are not diseases – they are symptoms. Treat the disease. If a child is unorganized him, give him remedial organization lessons – “hold his hand” for a while if need be.
Parenting is a balancing act none of us will ever be perfect at, but we can do the best we can. When all is said and done, there is a place in any given solution to be stern. We are the guiding stars in our child’s universe – shine brightly!
