Early Childhood

» Brenda Lane - Children learn what they live..

I believe that hitting - or as you have described - abuse - is completely 100% wrong. No excuses. Dead wrong. I have seen children in public who are clearly abused this way. There are no excuses for it.

However, I have worked with many many families who have a rule to never hit their children. However - and I say this cautiously lest anyone misinterpret me - I do believe that under SOME circumstances, there are occasions when physical discipline speaks louder to SOME children than just words as in the case I mentioned on the other discussion of my 2 yr old daughter running away from me defiantly into the street. Time-out or even a verbal scolding was not appropriate. She needed to know that there was zero tolerance for that type of behavior.

My husband and I did not have "rules" about discipline per se, but rather followed our God-given instincts in terms of parenting. We were both physically disciplined frequently as children. We did not feel that it was always the best way to handle the situation but that was the generation we grew up in.

Now what I am seeing in parenting is the complete opposite. Children are treated with kid gloves, if you will. Bad behavior is explained to them using adult language, but there are few if any consequences. Parents have become indulgent to the point that a child's self esteem is more important than teaching life lessons.

We need to find a middle ground between these two extremes. I am not saying that it is always going to be physical discipline, but with a very difficult, obstinant child who tests and tests and defies the rules in the home and is not honoring the parents, it may be.

My concern is that without a bit of fear of parents, authority, etc.. we are seeing exactly what we see now in schools all over the country. Kids who act up, treat the teacher like an equal and parents who defend their children at every turn. I saw a startling example of this with a teenager recently where there was not even a respect or fear of a police officer. I truly believe that comes from a lack of good discipline and consequences at home.

We can respect the rights of a child - yes, but the child needs rules, consistency, boundaries and consequences when the rules are broken.

Now I will get off my soap box.