Early Childhood

» Phoenixamaranth - Children learn what they live..

I would like to respond to your view of spanking because it is the common response and so far has been a deciding factor in the passing of legislation.
First, on the issue of respect I would like you to think about the last adult you viewed with respect and ask yourself why? Most often then not respect is lost due to a disagreement about values and beliefs. This is usually not even expressed between the two individuals but is an unspoken reaction to the other person's words and actions. It is also gained in the same manner.
Respect is something that must be earned. It is not easily given and when an attempt is made to force it, it presents itself as pseudo-respect: a false respect that is presented in an effort to avoid reproach or conflict. It is fear not respect. (just my 2 cents on respect since it is a common request of their children from pro-spanking parents. They want respect but they don't understand what constitutes true respect. In most families I have talked too, children can't fully understand respect until teens and twenties because it is based around values and beliefs.)
I understand your concern about children only being talked to about a situation or behavior that is undesirable. I would like to point out that vocalization alone may not lead a child to understand and grasp the reasoning behind why what they did was wrong or inappropriate. Parents must make a very strong effort to show the cause and effect consequences of a specific situation that has occurred. This is where creativity and research into alternative methods of discipline come into play. A parent must set up a response and consequence to behavior that expresses the relationship that the child does not understand. The situation requires teaching. A proper response that would offer the best qualities of teaching would be as close to the initial situation as possible. Spanking does not offer that relationship.
As for the story of your daughter, I would like to get into a little bit of logic. That situation is viewed as an immediate threat to the child's safety. If the child is within reach for a spanking then the child is within reach for prevention. If not within reach of a parent but within reach of something life threatening then a parent has made an error. Your daughter was 2 years old. First, extra care must be taken with toddlers because they are curious but unable to make safe decisions for themselves. Your daughter ran into the street because she could not understand and perceive the immediate threat to her life. If she cannot understand the immediate threat to her life then it stands to reason that she will not be able to understand why you spanked her for running into the street. Spanking her for a mistake that she could not understand does not make sense logically. It defeats the purpose of teaching.
I assume that your hope was that she would learn to obey in the future so your voice alone would stop her. Your hope rests on her understanding and fearing punishment for disobedience. If she is capable of understanding and fearing punishment for disobedience then she is capable of understanding and fearing other forms of punishment besides spanking. An alternative method could easily replace spanking. Loss of privilege or toy could be an option if they are followed with the same explanation that a lack of disobedience led to them. Any punishment without explanation of the reasons why is dangerous because the parent assumes the child knows and understands automatically.

One last note, kind of off topic, is that rules are subjective meaning they vary greatly from person to person, place to place, religion to religion, etc. Not all rules are "just" based on who you ask. Look at countries that have different value and belief systems. Some countries outlaw music. Some ban women from showing their faces. Some outlaw speaking against the view of the state. Blindly raising children to obey all authority and rules without being able to think and make their own choices can lead to bad situations like the 15 girl who was sexually assaulted by her boss at a McDonald's where she worked because her parents taught her to always do what an authority figure says. My point is people should be able to make their own decisions based off of logical reasoning and their own values and beliefs. As well as understand that their values and beliefs may clash with others.

-- posted by Phoenixamaranth